🎡 Earningspalooza

😎 Market Vibes

It was Earningspalooza this week, and the tape did not disappoint. Big Tech flexed, Robinhood stunned, and Wall Street kept pretending this is all totally normal. Whether you were chasing AI breakouts or watching HOOD moon while analysts shrugged, it was a week full of chart-ripping chaos and billion-dollar plot twists. Let’s unpack the juiciest ones.

🥽 Earnings Goggles On

• 📉 Robinhood’s On a Heater: HOOD smashed Q2 with both EPS and revenue well above estimates. Net income more than doubled and it's now the best-performing U.S. big tech stock of the year.

• 🕶️ Meta's AI Hiring Spree Pays Off: META crushed Q2, surprised on ads and devices, and the stock ripped +12% after hours.

• 💻 Microsoft Goes Full SkyNet: MSFT blew past expectations thanks to Azure and Copilot demand, briefly hitting a $4T valuation.

• 📱 Apple Shrugs Off Tariffs: AAPL pulled off a solid iPhone and services quarter, brushing aside an $800M tariff gut punch.

• 📦 Prime Delivered, But the Cloud Got Lost in Transit: Amazon crushed revenue, but AWS flopped on outlook. The stock dipped like a sad package in a puddle.

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💸 Trade Talk

Robinhood's Q2 was a banger: $989M in revenue (+45% YoY), 42¢ EPS vs. 31¢ expected, and net income more than doubled. 

Options, equities, and crypto trading all ripped-and HOOD is now 2025's top-performing large-cap tech stock. So why'd it slip after hours? Because even when retail wins, Wall Street shrugs. Classic.

🧠 Big Brain Energy

Microsoft, Meta & Alphabet added over $350B in market value this week-Microsoft briefly hit $4T cap, Meta neared $2T.
Welcome to the AI gold rush era.

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🧨The Outrage Meter

Apple just absorbed ~$800 million in tariff costs last quarter and is bracing for $1.1 billion more next quarter-and yet still delivered a beat. Meanwhile, you're still paying full price for your iPhone.

🤔What Do You Think?

✌️ Thanks for vibing with us.

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