🪑Jerome's Waiting Room

😎 Market Vibes

Happy Fed Day!
Markets are frozen, futures are twitchy, and Jerome Powell is about to drop vibes like it’s Coachella for economists. GDP came in looking thicc - but peel back the layers and it’s all import math and weak sauce domestic demand. Meanwhile, Trump’s back on his tariff rampage, Humana’s hulking out, Starbucks is foaming up some hope, and SoFi just reminded everyone what dilution tastes like.

🤡 Clown market energy

• 🧮 GDP Prints Hot(ish): Q2 U.S. GDP clocked in at 3.0%, crushing forecasts-but the engine was a nosedive in imports, not domestic demand. Basically, we bought less from abroad and patted ourselves on the back.

• 📊 Futures Stuck in Standoff Mode: S&P +0.1%, Nasdaq +0.2%, Dow +31 points. No one's touching anything until Powell opens his mouth later today.

• ☕ Starbucks Chugs Higher: Shares jumped 5% after revenue topped estimates. EPS missed, but investors ordered a venti rally anyway.

• 💊 Humana Goes Full Hulk Mode: Stock ripped nearly 9% after a clean earnings beat and guidance raise. Big win for the Medicare Advantage gang.

• 💸 SoFi Slammed on Dilution Fears: Beat across the board, but down 8% after investors realized "we're raising capital" means "you're getting diluted."

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💸 Trade Talk

The Fed is expected to hold rates at 4.25-4.5%, but dissent is bubbling… Two Trump-appointed governors are sounding alarms over rising inflation from tariffs. It's a tightrope… no cut now, but whispers of a Sept pivot.

Now? We wait.

🧠 Big Brain Energy

U.S. economy grew ~3.0% in Q2, but private domestic sales rose only 1.2%, suggesting the headline number is more smoke than substance. "GDP looks fat on trade-warped carbs."

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🧨The Outrage Meter

🚨 Trump Tariffs India (Yes, Really): President Trump slapped a fresh 25% tariff on all Indian imports, upending supply chains overnight and blindsiding global brands like Mercedes, Porsche, Toyota, Adidas, and Amazon. Luxury automakers are now facing cost spikes, Adidas is screaming about sourcing issues, and retailers are bracing for a price shock just as back-to-school season kicks off.

🤔What Do You Think?

✌️ Thanks for vibing with us. Hit reply and let us know your take on today's market madness.

⚠️ WARNING: Market data is subject to rapid change. Verify current information before making trading decisions.

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